Friday, June 18, 2010

The Master Plan and Divine Intervention

I've often wondered what the deal is with God's Master Plan. Is it merely a method of guidance? What if somebody strays from the script? Is it still considered a "master" plan if not all of it is set in stone?

For instance, if I later today decide to be a monkey wrench to society's gears and slow the progression and growth of mankind by standing at the side of the highway shooting everything that moves, thinks or breathes is that contradictory to the plan?

Oh ho, but maybe I'm supposed to go ten shades of batshit crazy. Or maybe I already am. So it could be argued that wild, erratic behavior is a part of some sick, perverted cumstain's idea of a good time. And that cumstain is your Lord and Savior. Isn't that a comforting thought?

Which would you rather face? The idea that God is not in control and will not necessarily protect you from my murderous rampage or that the course into crazytown has already been plotted and entered. There will be no refunds, exchanges or rain checks. Best part about The Master Plan (GIS result for "god's master plan" noshit) is you don't need to buy a ticket. I've already got a reserve for first-class to Hell.

While we're on the topic, I'd like to discuss zero-gravity prison rape. Eventually somebody is going to be beaten, shanked, and then violently violated in space. I can see the classified ad now:

Space Prison Maintenance Positions Available!
Primary duties will include capturing and disposing of floating globs of blood, semen and buttjuice
Must have strong stomach
Apply within




No thanks. However, if somebody gives me the opportunity to get drunk on the space station I'll jump on it like a Dort hooker on a mountain of smelly dicks. If anybody's got pull with NASA I've got a half-spent bottle of spray-on deodorant and two stale cigarettes to sweeten the deal.

Finally, this is what rape looks like if you're on acid, apparently:



If anybody needs me I'll be on the roof with a rifle performing sociological experiments (red car blue car KILL KILL KILL).

Sunday, June 13, 2010

A day to myself with bass therapy :D

Ahhhh I almost want to make this a music blog I was jamming out to so much stuff today. Sitting next to the subwoofer that was thumping the tunes and smoking cigarettes all day was an awesome opportunity to unwind.

Now, back to business as usual. I'm attempting to replace the phrase "goddamnit" in my vocabulary with "Damn God!" or "Damnit, God!" I think it's considerably more resounding, and really calls something to action. If you're going to blaspheme, do so with a purpose.

Later, when I was browsing teh pr0nz I had a little idea that I should do something constructive with my day. You know, to really make it stand out as a productive and complete afternoon.

I haven't figured out what that productive thing is going to be yet. So far all I've done is read webcomics and listen to funky electro music.

Anyway, enough about all the stuff I've been up to lately. How about the fuuuture.



I just met with the architect Friday and had her sketch that up. It's being built between the two Columbiaville car bridges across the Holloway. Yes, it will have a gift shop.



And this should be delivered any day now.

Anyway, I think that's everything for now. Be back soon with some truly pointless musings about wildlife.